It was an article shared by our friend Annie Mueller. It was beautiful. It mirrored my own experience in some ways, especially telling mom it was ok to go to sleep… and never wake up.

Tough stuff. Only now am I beginning to regain my perspective. I found myself glued to news and Facebook searches with the tornado in Joplin. I knew what it felt like to be helpless and watch a loved one ripped away from me. I wanted so badly for some of the missing to be found alive… but instead it was just bodies that were found. I ached for those families.

And yet, like Annie, after an initial angry tempter tantrum at God, I’m realizing He has it all under his control, even when it doesn’t make any sense to me.

Thanks to Annie for sharing her experience. Read the article at: OvercomingBusy.com.

I wanted to hear her voice, so I found some old voicemails of her that I had saved when she died. I didn’t want to listen to them then, but I have to admit, I love to hear her voice now. Happy. Cheerful. Asking about how I’m doing. Talking about every day things. And always telling me that she loves me.

I’m really glad I was able to save those audio slices of our lives. I didn’t want to ever forget how her voice sounds. When I knew she was dying, I found myself taking pictures of her fingers. I wanted to stop time and capture it in some way that I could never lose it. I couldn’t stop time, and I can’t pick up the phone and hear her voice right now. But I can stop for a moment and be glad that she was my mom and she loved me.

Mother’s Day came upon me suddenly last week. I found myself wanting to escape the day, to skip it. I still haven’t really dealt with my mom’s death. And to tell you the truth, I am tired of crying. So what was I to do?

Putting aside my escapist tendencies, I decided to tough it out. Why should I let the devil have Mother’s Day just because I am sad and miss my mom? So I kicked him out, just like my mom taught me to do.

Then, I thought, what would my mom do in this situation? My answer came quickly: she’d bless other people. So I decided to cook lunch and dessert for my mom-in-law and grandma-in-law. I was glad my Dad came too. We went to the nursing home and made Grandma Lee happy. Then after we stuffed ourselves, my dad left to take a nap and we women painted our nails while Brett surfed RSS feeds on his iPhone.

After that, we headed over to Brett’s dad and step-mom’s house to bring her a card and a rose. We ended up at Brett’s aunt & uncle’s house for dinner. Surprisingly, it was a fun, happy day.

This is not, however, to suggest that I escaped crying or feeling sad yesterday. But despite that, God still redeemed the day. For that, I am grateful.

God lets me feel sad and yet helps me have fun despite the heaviness. Although, I have to admit that I did appreciate the big storms yesterday morning that seemed to commiserate with my heartbreak.

When I was ready to throw away my prescription receipts, I noticed how well they also told the story of healing. From 2000 to April 2002, you can see the chronic sinus problems and resulting medicine. After that date, my need for sinus medication, specifically antibiotics, dramatically reduces. I still get sick, like all healthy people do, but it is no longer a constant dread in my life. I am no longer a sick person.

3/28/00 — De-Congestine (antihistamine & decongestant)
3/28/00 — Doxycycline (antibiotic)
6/01/00 — Amoxicillin (antibiotic) & Allegra-D (antihistamine & decongestant)
7/05/00 — Biaxin (antibiotic) & Albuterol (inhaler)
7/21/00 — Zyrtec (antihistamine)
8/22/00 — Rhinocort nasal (nasal spray)*
11/21/00 — Rhinocort (nasal spray)* & Allegra (antihistamine)
1/03/01 — Allegra (Fexofenadine, antihistamine)
1/09/01 — Biaxin (Clarithromycin, antibiotic)
2/15/01 — Augmentin 875 (antibiotic)
3/14/01 — Zephrex (antihistamine)
3/14/01 — Augmentin 875 (antibiotic)
3/14/01 — Zephrex (pseudophedrine, antihistamine)
3/20/01 — Atrovent (nasal spray)
8/16/01 — Cyclobenzaprine (muscle spasms) after car accident
7/17/01 — Biaxin XL (Clarithromycin, antibiotic)
9/04/01 — Biaxin XL (Clarithromycin, antibiotic)
9/13/01 — Tobradex Ophth susp (eye med)
10/17/01 — Guaifen-Pse ER (Pseudophedrine & guaifenesin, antihistamine & decongestant)
10/17/01 — Augmentin 875 MG (antibiotic)
10/19/01 — Prednisone (steroid used to decrease severe congestion)
11/12/01 — Biaxin XL(Clarithromycin, antibiotic)
11/27/01 — Methylprednisolone (corticosteroid, steroid used to decrease severe congestion))
11/27/01 — Levofloxacin (antibiotic)
1/13/02 — Biaxin (Clarithromycin, antibiotic)
2/01/02 — Tequin (antibiotic)
2/24/02 — Biaxin (Clarithromycin, antibiotic)
3/08/02 — Guaifen-Pse ER (Pseudophedrine & guaifenesin, antihistamine & decongestant)
3/08/02 — Tequin (antibiotic)
—–
4/05/02 — Amoxicillin (antibiotic), medicine in healing story
Received healing
—–
7/02/02 — Flonase (nasal spray)*
10/22/02 — Flonase (nasal spray)*
11/20/02 — Amoxillicin (antibiotic), took for virus turned infection
May 03 — Good friend died–cried so much that I got a sinus infection
5/08/03 — Biaxin (Clarithromycin, antibiotic)
5/08/03 — De-Congestine (antihistimine)
5/12/03 — Amoxicillin (antibiotic)
5/23/03 — Amoxicillin (antibiotic)
9/23/03 — Amoxicillin (antibiotic)
10/23/03 — Nasocort (nasal spray)*
3/04/04 — Nasocort AQ (nasal spray)*
2/11/05 — De-Congestine TR (antihistamine & decongestant)
11/04/05 — Amoxicillin (antibiotic)
11/04/05 — H-C Tussive Syrup (cough syrup)
12/17/05 — Astelin (nasal spray)*
12/14/05 — Amoxicillin (antibiotic)
12/21/05 — Amoxicillin (antibiotic)
2006 — No sinus infections (as of 12/17/06)
*Nasal sprays are preventative

I stared at the pattern of the dark wood on the restaurant wall; it was the only stimulus I could handle. My brain was fogged in a sinus infection. I was on day four of an experiment in faith, and so far, the experiment was looking pretty shaky.

A few months earlier, I had joined a church-sponsored Bible study about applying faith in God to everyday situations. When I showed up the first night, the leader asked us to write down a list of specific areas where we had a desire to grow our faith—not just the easy stuff, but the things that seemed impossible.

I quickly listed: finding a husband, writing a book, and then hesitated as I wrote what seemed impossible, healing for my sinuses. It was hard to write those words on the page. I felt vulnerable and exposed as I admitted my deep desire for God to heal me.

I had wanted healing so many times before, and it had seemed as if my prayers fell on deaf ears. Would this time be different? What if I was let down again? It was daunting to believe that I could be better because chronic sickness had been a fact of life for all of my 26 years.

When I was a baby I had constant ear aches, which transitioned to sinus infections as I grew older. I became intimately acquainted with the bubble gum medicine, doctor visits, and trash cans full of crumpled tissues. Exhaustion, grogginess, and nausea became part of the normal routine. I was diagnosed with a long list of allergies, but the normal treatments didn’t work. By the time I reached college, I was having continuous sinus infections that would go on for months with no avail. The antibiotic dosages kept climbing with each occurrence, but had increasingly less impact. Finally, at age 20, after six months of misery—vomiting every morning, barely being able to smell or hear—I underwent sinus surgery.

I had a reprieve for about ten months, and I can still remember the hot tears of disappointment when I began having sinus infections again. After college, I took a job that involved traveling. I returned from every trip with the characteristic stuffy nose, pressurized head, and queasy stomach.

When I began the study on faith, I had reached the end of my rope. I was desperate to find a way to stop the infections; I was willing to do anything. But I had done everything I knew to do. I was willing to do more, but what else was there? Even the doctors were out of solutions.

I plunged into the study on faith. Brett, my soon-to-be boyfriend, and I did our homework for the course together, searching the scriptures for insight on faith and healing. The weeks passed quickly.

We examined every instance where Jesus healed — not once did He ever turn away anyone who was sick or tormented. He always healed, but He often requested that people respond to their faith by taking action. For the first time, I realized how critical it was for those seeking miracles to apply faith their faith through obedience and action.

It wasn’t long before I had the opportunity to put my faith to the test. I woke up one morning with a clogged nose and a tender throat: the classic signs of an impending sinus infection. I got the sinking feeling of doom.

My knee-jerk reaction was to call the doctor and request medicine. This was my normal strategy: race against time to stamp out the infection while it was still in the early stages. If I waited too long, I would be at the mercy of the bacteria and no amount of medicine would help. Two weeks of illness would stretch into two months.
But then I remembered everything I had learned in the faith study. If I believed that Jesus had healed me, then I needed to behave like it.

This time—for the first time—I decided to take a stand. I continued in my daily routine without any medicine, believing God’s Word of healing over the symptoms that I felt in my body. It was an experiment in faith that I hoped would prove true.
After a few days, the pressure in my head was so intense that I felt like it was going to blow up. And yet, I dragged my body out of bed, quoting the scriptures I had memorized. I floundered through the motions of life, looking pasty and feeling nauseated. I asked everyone I knew to pray, knowing that I was nearing my limit. I was about to give up.

By the fourth day, I wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep. I called the doctor and requested medicine. And yet, I still didn’t want to give up on my faith experiment yet. I wanted to come to a point first where I felt like I had stepped out and really given this healing thing a chance. So I refrained from taking the medicine and kept waiting for things to change for the better.

So there I was, staring at the wood paneling in a steak restaurant, willing myself to make it through dinner when the aroma of meat and mash potatoes turned my stomach.

As we looked at the menu, I felt despair. It seemed like my faith experiment was a wash. So far, I hadn’t had any results. I was disappointed.
Brett was sitting across from me. “What are you going to eat?” he asked, disturbing me from my depressing thoughts.

“I don’t think I can eat anything,” I said. “My stomach is unhappy.”
Instead of pitying me, his eyes got intense. “What would a healthy person order?” he challenged.

“A healthy person would order a steak and eat every bite of it!” I replied with gusto, my faith in my still unseen healing restored. “Because healthy people eat steak!!!”
I ordered a huge 12 oz. rib eye. I could only eat 3 bites, but something changed in me. I had crossed a bridge of faith, and now I knew that the experiment was over. I started feeling better during the meal, and I knew that it would not be giving up to go ahead and take the medicine. I knew at that point that I was healed, and that these infections would never dominate my life again. I didn’t have any tingling sensations or out of body experiences, but it was mysterious and wonderful all the same. I was a healthy person.

It’s been nearly three years since that day, and I no longer have chronic sinus infections. My doctors don’t know what to think. I told them about my faith experiment, and they said that research shows that there are many parts of the brain that we don’t use to its fullest extent. I just smile and thank God.

Want read more? See the facts: check out my sinus prescription history before and after I received healing.