Today I took a few minutes from my crammed schedule and read something I wanted to… a luxury I’ve rarely partaken of since 2011 started.
It was an article shared by our friend Annie Mueller. It was beautiful. It mirrored my own experience in some ways, especially telling mom it was ok to go to sleep… and never wake up.
Tough stuff. Only now am I beginning to regain my perspective. I found myself glued to news and Facebook searches with the tornado in Joplin. I knew what it felt like to be helpless and watch a loved one ripped away from me. I wanted so badly for some of the missing to be found alive… but instead it was just bodies that were found. I ached for those families.
And yet, like Annie, after an initial angry tempter tantrum at God, I’m realizing He has it all under his control, even when it doesn’t make any sense to me.
Thanks to Annie for sharing her experience. Read the article at: OvercomingBusy.com.
For some reason I have really missed my mom this week.
Maybe it’s because spring is here and the sunshine has returned, and I want to tell her about my flowers.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been stressed out, and I know she would listen.
Maybe it’s because I know how excited she’d be that my brother is having a baby.
Maybe it’s just because I love her.
I wanted to hear her voice, so I found some old voicemails of her that I had saved when she died. I didn’t want to listen to them then, but I have to admit, I love to hear her voice now. Happy. Cheerful. Asking about how I’m doing. Talking about every day things. And always telling me that she loves me.
I’m really glad I was able to save those audio slices of our lives. I didn’t want to ever forget how her voice sounds. When I knew she was dying, I found myself taking pictures of her fingers. I wanted to stop time and capture it in some way that I could never lose it. I couldn’t stop time, and I can’t pick up the phone and hear her voice right now. But I can stop for a moment and be glad that she was my mom and she loved me.
It’s interesting how you dread something, and then God makes it work out ok.
Mother’s Day came upon me suddenly last week. I found myself wanting to escape the day, to skip it. I still haven’t really dealt with my mom’s death. And to tell you the truth, I am tired of crying. So what was I to do?
Putting aside my escapist tendencies, I decided to tough it out. Why should I let the devil have Mother’s Day just because I am sad and miss my mom? So I kicked him out, just like my mom taught me to do.
Then, I thought, what would my mom do in this situation? My answer came quickly: she’d bless other people. So I decided to cook lunch and dessert for my mom-in-law and grandma-in-law. I was glad my Dad came too. We went to the nursing home and made Grandma Lee happy. Then after we stuffed ourselves, my dad left to take a nap and we women painted our nails while Brett surfed RSS feeds on his iPhone.
After that, we headed over to Brett’s dad and step-mom’s house to bring her a card and a rose. We ended up at Brett’s aunt & uncle’s house for dinner. Surprisingly, it was a fun, happy day.
This is not, however, to suggest that I escaped crying or feeling sad yesterday. But despite that, God still redeemed the day. For that, I am grateful.
God lets me feel sad and yet helps me have fun despite the heaviness. Although, I have to admit that I did appreciate the big storms yesterday morning that seemed to commiserate with my heartbreak.
I have posted my story of healing from chronic sinus infections. This is a follow-up.
When I was ready to throw away my prescription receipts, I noticed how well they also told the story of healing. From 2000 to April 2002, you can see the chronic sinus problems and resulting medicine. After that date, my need for sinus medication, specifically antibiotics, dramatically reduces. I still get sick, like all healthy people do, but it is no longer a constant dread in my life. I am no longer a sick person.
3/28/00 — De-Congestine (antihistamine & decongestant)
3/28/00 — Doxycycline (antibiotic)
6/01/00 — Amoxicillin (antibiotic) & Allegra-D (antihistamine & decongestant)
7/05/00 — Biaxin (antibiotic) & Albuterol (inhaler)
7/21/00 — Zyrtec (antihistamine)
8/22/00 — Rhinocort nasal (nasal spray)*
11/21/00 — Rhinocort (nasal spray)* & Allegra (antihistamine)
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This is a autobiographical story I wrote for my master’s non-fiction class of how I received healing for sickness I’d been plagued with my entire life.
I stared at the pattern of the dark wood on the restaurant wall; it was the only stimulus I could handle. My brain was fogged in a sinus infection. I was on day four of an experiment in faith, and so far, the experiment was looking pretty shaky.
A few months earlier, I had joined a church-sponsored Bible study about applying faith in God to everyday situations. When I showed up the first night, the leader asked us to write down a list of specific areas where we had a desire to grow our faithâ€”not just the easy stuff, but the things that seemed impossible.
I quickly listed: finding a husband, writing a book, and then hesitated as I wrote what seemed impossible, healing for my sinuses. It was hard to write those words on the page. I felt vulnerable and exposed as I admitted my deep desire for God to heal me.
I had wanted healing so many times before, and it had seemed as if my prayers fell on deaf ears. Would this time be different? What if I was let down again? It was daunting to believe that I could be better because chronic sickness had been a fact of life for all of my 26 years.
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